Saturday, December 4, 2010

When your husband is scared

I LOVE my husband. It's a solid, quiet love. It's not crazy, shake the rafters and stare at each other in total awe love (although that does happen occasionally); instead, it's mature and happy and solid.

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For those of you who are newer readers, about 3 years ago, my husband was hit by one of those huge passenger trucks while he was riding a moped. He was going straight through a green light, the truck didn't yield and turned left directly into him. He was thrown 20 feet and his lower left leg was completely shattered. He was rushed into emergency surgery to reconstruct the bones in his leg and after 6ish hours of surgery he emerged with many plates, screws, stitches, and skin grafts holding his leg together.

His recovery was incredibly bad. His pain was impossible to control and he spent 2 weeks in the hospital and a month in an aftercare facility. It took him months after that before he could walk anywhere; we still have a wheelchair ramp going up to our front door. But very slowly he improved to the point that he could walk with a custom leg brace and a cane.

Then 6 months ago he started to fall. For no reason his leg would give out and he would fall out. Several times a week. And it hurt a great deal. A trip to the orthopedist revealed a large bone cyst in his knee and severe arthritis. He needed a knee replacement but the regular orthopedists had no clue how to do it.

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Enter Dr. Bruce French, trauma orthopedist extraordinaire. CT scans that he ordered revealed that Tim was missing a significant sliver of bone in the middle of his lower leg. The plan was to remove all of his hardware, do a bone graft, and then once that healed (time frame unknown), he would need a knee replacement. Tim wanted nothing to do with this. The pain that he had experienced before was too great. He would be above the pain and continue with life.

Until 2 weeks ago when he heard a pop in his leg, swelling in a new area (where there is a plate) occurred) and he could no longer place any weight on his leg. For the past two weeks he's had to lay in bed. And go out of his mind with cabin fever. At an emergency appointment with Dr. French on Friday, he finally agreed to surgery, and will go under the knife this Wednesday.

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To say that he is stunned is putting it mildly. He is terrified. He keeps trying to convince himself and me that he doesn't need the surgery. But then the pain returns and his leg gives out. And he realizes it has to happen.

When I heard that surgery was going to happen, I wanted to pick him up and hold him like a baby. I wanted to take away all of the fear. I prayed to turn into that nurse in Harry Potter and be able to give him a horrible tasting medicine that would grow his bones back. I felt useless and like I should be able to do something to make t all better, but I couldn't. Have you ever received news and were immediately struck by total exhaustion? I was at that moment.

For the last two days I have been in cuddle my husband mode. I have been holed up in the bedroom with him just to be with him. I don't want him to be alone. I want to do everything I can to keep his mind off of the upcoming surgery. I want to take his fear away and embody it, to deal with is pain, to give him respite.

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Then I realized that he has God for that. Paul told us in God's good word "Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." (2 Corintians 4:16-18) No matter what Tim experiences in this world, it is all transient, never everlasting, and the things beyond life will be more glorious and brilliant than we can ever imagine.

Still, I hope this operation makes his time in this life less painful and much more bearable. Because when your husband is scared and you love him more that you can ever say, what more could you wish for?

23 comments:

Jeff said...

The fear of the unkown can be stressful...fear of the unkown when associated with tragic memories (pain) can be traumatic. I wish I had great words of wisdom..but I don't . All I can say is you have to instill in him the positives and the more positives you instill the easier it will be to face the unknown !!!!

A MilShelb Mom said...

God is an awesome God. Praying that the surgery will make him new again!
~Maggie

Judy said...

What a touching, heart-wrenching post. My husband rides a motorcycle and I am terrified of all the what-ifs that might happen, but I have had to put my trust in God.

I can't imagine the pain and fear that your husband and you must be going through at this time and truly hope the next few days pass quickly and that this surgery really will make your husband's life better!

Good luck!

Dawn said...

Sending healing thoughts & prayers your way...

Gilding Lilies said...

What a moving post, my eyes filled with tears. I'm so sorry to hear about your honey's struggles. It is such a blessing that you have each other. My good thoughts will be with both of you, and I wish I could do more.
Hugs

Anna Walker said...

Oh my gosh!
Everything is going to be okay, just keep praying and keep cuddling him and being supportive of him, oh and remind him how far he has come since that accident! He will be so much better after the surgery!

http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/

Jamie said...

Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

stringsofpurls said...

I will be praying for your family, and specifically for your husband, that God will give him a peace that passes all understanding.

Debbie

~RaenWa~ said...

You & your husband will be in my thoughts. I hope he comes out of this stronger then ever.

goldenbird said...

Best wishes to your husband on his surgery. You and he will be in my thoughts. It must have been scary when his leg started giving out. Don't forget to take good care of yourself during this challenging time.

Karin van D. said...

I was so touched by this post. The love for your husband is palpable in every word. He will get through, how could he not with a wife like you on his side? I wish you both lots of strenght for the coming difficult period. -x-

Myrna R. said...

Erin, I can relate a little. My husband is getting a second knee replacement surgery in January. It's not as painful or serious as your hubby's. I will pray that he feels no pain - all is possible.

Take care of yourself.

Taylor said...

I'll be prayin for you and your husband. Having a surgery can be a terrifying thought but if God brings you to a hard situation He'll bring you through it!

beth said...

oh erin....this brought tears to my eyes !!

the biggest hugs and prayers are being sent to your hubby....and of course you, too....as you both get through another surgery and post surgery days....

your faith is amazing !!

the runaway romantique said...

Firstly thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. Secondly and most importantly, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and I hope that God will provide a vast sea of comfort for both of you during this time.

hugs & stay strong

Cassandra Frear said...

God bless you in your time of need. May you sense his presence.

Christina said...

the love the two of you have, is beautiful.
i am praying for you and your family.
xo

Emily Joyce said...

This post brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes... I can't imagine how painful it must be for you to watch your husband suffer so much. But God is faithful. I know the time you spend just cuddling with him means more to him than he can say. I pray this surgery will help and he can fully heal once for all.

Katiebee said...

Sending hugs and prayers your way~

Becky said...

Ill be keeping you both in my thoughts! I hope he makes a speedy recovery.

Debra said...

I hope this surgery turns things around for your husband. Sending good thoughts your way!

Rhiannon Nicole said...

Oh my gosh, I am thinking and praying for you both. You are both so incredibly strong and will make it through this. You will be OK, I know this!! xo

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