A Special Thanks to all Dad Days Bloggers!

I'd like to take a moment to offer up a special "Thank You" to all of the fathers who were guest posters here on Dropped Stitches during the month of October. The entire success of Dad Days is due to the blogging dads who were generous enough to contribute their work to the blog.

Dustin Christian, author of Daddy Geek: Raising the Dungeonmasters of Tomorrow

Ben Moffat of The Angry Scot

Justin Mannato, writer of Daddy Knows Less

Barry Silver of A Life Well Lived Concludes with a Smile

Mark Perlman (not pictured), from an excerpt of the book Caring For Your Newborn

Richard Monroe, author of The Butterbottom Blog

Steve Birkett of Above The Static

Matthew Peregoy, The Real Matt Daddy

John Willey, writer of Daddy's in Charge?

Alex Walsh, author of Daddacool

and

Josh Solar of The Happy Family Movement

To all of you

My Father Figures: My Step-Dad (but really my Dad), Mark Seelbach

My parents were divorced when I was 4. Bad divorce. That's all I'm going to say. After a few years we moved to the West side of Columbus, to the now super scary but then amazingly wonderful Lincoln Village, a huge apartment complex where my grandparents lived. Until I was 9 it was mom and me. I guess we were living hand to mouth, but I never knew it. My mom worked hard to provide for us and childhood was good.

She liked to eat at Bob Evans and one day a waitress that she knew introduced her to another diner. They hit it off and started dating. Then one day he came over for dinner and I could not get over this wierd guy that mom had invited over. Then I went with mom to his bachelor apartment where I noticed he had Omni magazine, which, at the time, I thought was like Playboy, and I was mortified. But he turned out to be okay (and for those of you that don't know, Omni is a now defunct but iconic sci fi magazine, which said a lot about Mark Seelbach, though I didn't know it at the time) and one day in November 1981 they got married and I had a stepdad.

Mark had no children. He wasn't used to shy, sensitive pre-adolescent girls but he did the best he could. In time, I figured out that he was pretty shy, too, and geeky. He liked jazz music, which I hadn't paid much attention to before then, and played the trumpet. We started going to the Methodist church because he grew up Methodist (in Youngstown, OH, which has an interesting population of Polish, German, and Italian people mostly, so I was introduced to Perogies, red cabbage, and all variety of German sausage). I now love good funky jazz, I still consider myself Methodist, and I LOVE brats and saurkraut.

When computers came to the forefront in the late 80's he started working for the software industry, which began a lifelong love of computers and technology. Yes, my dad is a geek. A big one. He loves Star Trek and Dr. Who, collects vintage toys particularly GI Joes and those with a sci fi theme. My mom loves the geek stuff, too, and I was being molded, so when we went to the Dr. Who convention when I was in Middle School it was quite a moment. Did I mention he loves computers? He currently works as an auditor (he has a degree in accounting), but the computer love is not going away.

He has been a wonderful father to me. He really would do anything for me. When I need him, he's there. I know that he's proud of me, even though he hasn't said it in so many words. He doesn't say things like that, those emotional type things, but with all of the caring and everything he's done for me over the years, I know. You know what I mean?

Baseball, Dads, and Growing Up (A Guest Post from Josh Solar)

Josh Solar is our guest today. He is one half of The Happy Family Movement, an amazing website that aims to help families live a great life together. Fittingly, today he talks about the bonds formed through baseball.

Memories. You know the ones. All the wonderful memories you created with Dad. All the baseball. The trips to the amusement park in Albuquerque when mom was in some sort of training. The soccer & basketball & swimming (yes, lots of sports). Sneaking food into your room when mom sent you to bed without dinner because you wouldn't quit talking back. I'm sure your memories of Dad vary from mine, but you get the point.

For me, baseball with my dad was IT. The moment I could walk, I'm pretty sure my dad was throwing whiffle balls to me and teaching me how to properly field a ground ball. Watching the Dodgers on TV, eating all sorts of junk food. Most of my favorite memories of my dad involve baseball in some way or another. Especially the time we got to actually go to a Dodgers game and I got to try the world famous Dodger Dog for the first time (Note: It lived up to the hype!). I remember how excited I was when my dad took me to the Dodger store so I could buy all the World Series memorabilia after they won the World Series in 1988… you know, the year when Kirk Gibson hit that home run on one leg.

Now that I'm a dad, I think back to all the things my dad did with me and how they influence the way I raise my son. He's 6 and he LOVES baseball. Every day after school, we either head to the ball park so I can pitch to him, or we just play baseball in the street (we live on a cul-de-sac so it's safe). I'd like to think that my time spent playing baseball with Max will lead to some of life's most important lessons. Patience. Teamwork. The importance of putting in hard work to master a certain skill set. Hustle. Never give up. Be ready for whatever may come your way. Pride (I feel a great deal of pride when he rips a line drive over my head and I see that big 'ol grin as he's proud of himself).

Playing baseball with my son brings me back to all the time spent with my dad. I'm constantly reminded of the impact we have on these young, beautiful little human beings. As a dad, just being there, being PRESENT for your kids, attentive, listening, laughing with them, LOVING them with your whole heart. That's a big deal. I know, at some point, he'll be out on his own. He'll fall in love. Have kids of his own. And when it comes time to play with his kids, I want him to remember all the wonderful things WE did together. To love his family with his whole heart, and pass those same life lessons on to his kiddos.

Reconciling Beliefs or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christ.(A Guest post from Dustin Christian)

Another post from Dustin Christian of Daddy Geek: Raising the Dungeonmasters of Tomorrow. Today he talks about reconciling the differences in his wife's and his faith and beliefs.

Reconciling Beliefs or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christ

To me, “Christian” is nothing more than my last name. It's a last name that my wife loves because it's applied to her for as long as she can remember, but it's just a name to me.
Rhonda grew up with God as a constant presence in her life. I grew up unsure if God even exists.
I wasn't raised as an Atheist – most of my family considers themselves Christians (the church kind, not the last name kind) and would probably answer the classic question “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?” with an automatic, knee-jerk yes.
I've been to church, I even know the Lord's prayer by heart, but I've always been the type to question everything and forge my own path. Most church leaders I met didn't like it when a kid constantly questioned their faith, even if I was just trying to understand and reconcile what I saw as inconsistencies. Being constantly told to sit down and shut up, and seeing hypocrites like Jimmy Swaggart and Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker on the television (and hearing about the worst kept secret of pedophile priests) left me full of distrust and disdain for organized religion in general and evangelical Christians in particular.

I went from being Christian by default to agnostic to atheist to... undefined. I've studied and dabbled in other religions, faiths, and philosophies, and developed my own spiritual ideas. I could write thousands of words on the subject, but I now call myself an open-minded agnostic, for the sake of simplicity. I tend to believe there is probably a higher power, but I don't think it matters what you call that higher power – or if you even decide to call that power anything at all – as long as you try to be the best person you can possibly be.

I've never reconciled myself with closed-minded hypocrites of any faith, however. I doubt any one faith has all the answers, and they have to many commonalities to dismiss each other out of hand.

I'd reached the open-minded agnostic, live-and-let-live stage by the time I met Rhonda. But people who were extremely vocal about their faith still made me nervous, and Rhonda definitely wears her faith on her sleeve. As someone with such strong faith, she had never even considered spending her life with somebody who didn't share that faith. And, since we both had kids, any relationship had to beviewed with a consideration towards long-term implications.

While we were very interested in each other, religion was a potential deal-breaker.

When we talked about what we really believed, though, we found that we actually agreed on most things. Rhonda was raised in a Christian family in a heavily Christian small town, but had her own ideas about what was right and what was wrong. While she was without a doubt a Christian, she could see the value in other belief systems and agreed that, as long as they were focused on trying to bethe best person you could be, they were on the right track.
I believe that we've come to the same point from different paths. If I had been raised going to church every Sunday, I'd probably have a lot more faith. If she was raised away from church, she'd probably be a lot more skeptical – though I hope not as cynical as I am. I know that we've influenced each other. I've made Rhonda question things more and consider life from perspectives other than the Christian viewpoint, and she has caused me to have more faith and become more spiritual.

But I digress.

No matter how much we might agree, there was still the big question – once we were sure that ours was a long-term relationship – of how we would raise our children. Rhonda had never considered anything other than raising her kids as Christians and, while I had moved past my issues with Christianity, I wasn't comfortable with my kids being taught that there was only one way. Besides, I'm still not comfortable with a lot of the “morals” that many Christians profess.
In the end, we decided that the boys will make up their own minds about faith and religion. It's inevitable that Christianity will be the first thing they're exposed to. In this country (and particularly this state), they'll also be exposed to Christianity most often. I'm not looking forward to the day when I have to contradict some of the things the boys will hear (especially from their grandfather who is born-again and thus insists there's no other way to be), but at least I can do that without getting angry. I'm sure there will be bigger fights over the racism and homophobia they'll eventually hear from Rhonda's uncles and other bigots.

Rhonda had the idea of taking them to mosques, temples, and gatherings of other faiths, and I would love to do that – if they show interest. I'm not forcing anything on them. If and when they have questions, we'll answer them as openly and honestly as we know how. I hope it can wait long enough that they'll be able to grasp why Mommy and Daddy don't believe exactly the same things, but we'll do what we must.

The most important thing I can teach my kids is that everyone is different, and different ideas are not only okay – they're essential.

The Challenges of Fatherhood (A guest post by Alex Walsh)

Today's contributor is Alex Walsh, the publisher of the blog Daddacool (which is listed #8 in Cision's Top 10 UK Daddy Blogs). Today he touches on some of the challenges of fatherhood.

So this Daddy lark then. Has it changed me? Well I’m now capable of wiping someone elses bottom, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do. I barely enjoy wiping my own to be honest. The same goes for sick, I never thought I’d have a poorly toddler clasped to me when they chose to vomit down my back. To this day I remember the walk to the bathroom with chunks of sick worrying their way between my buttocks. And of course, there is the claim to fame I have in my twitter profile that elicits a lot of amusing chortles: Super powers include walking over Lego barefoot AND feeling NO pain!

Of course the experiences are only a small part of it really, and even the rather unsavoury ones have their upside- having a poorly child cling to you because they find you reassuring is special, even if the acidic smell of sick is burning your nostrils.

There are always challenges to being a Dad, and they’re not always the ones you’d expect. I always found little wriggly babies both incredibly delicate and incredibly strong at the same time. I clearly remember getting more frustrated than a newborn in my attempts to get a sleep suit on a baby. I also remember vividly the wrench at leaving my wife alone and confused after my two weeks paternity leave had finished. I even wrote about it for a national newspaper here in England.

And the lack of sleep, oh my goodness the lack of sleep. The boy didn’t sleep through the night until he was one but his little sister Fifi, still doesn’t sleep properly and she’ll be three in January. She was still waking up twice in the night until she was two, and after that she insisted on getting up at around 5am. Enough to make you weep tears of exhaustion.

I like to think that Claire and I are a team though. She might have been the one to carry the kids and give birth to them but I was the one who accidentally ensured that some heavy metal was playing during at least one of the deliveries. I try to do my fair share of the good stuff and the unpleasant stuff, be it bedtime routine and stories (which I always try to be home from work for) to taking them for their immunizations. The biggest challenge I have is not lowering myself to their level when it comes to playing games. I find it really easy to empathise with the children, particularly the boy.

I think though, the thing for me that sums up being a Dad perfectly is one of those days I come home to be met at the front door by the boy. He has a worried look on his face, mingled with a slight trace of worry. He gives me something precious to him that’s been broken and has complete faith in me to make everything all right. It’s a fairly well placed faith as far as he’s concerned. When we were lucky enough to go on holiday to Lake Garda, Italy, we spent hours walking around a fortified walled city. When we got back to the hire car, he said, “Where’s bunny?” We had 20 minutes on the parking meter left and he had lost his most precious cuddly toy in a walled city. I ran off at speed and came back 17 minutes later with his bunny. He was unconcerned, because I was his Daddy and he had complete trust in me to make things okay. And that is what it means to me to be a Daddy.

Redefining the Definition of "Fatherhood" (a guest post by Matthew Peregoy)

Today's second article is by Matt Peregoy, The Real Matt Daddy. He lives with his family in Gettysburg, PA. He gave up a 70 hour work week for a national retailer to be a stay-at-home dad for his daughter and is married to a wonderful woman who "trusts me enough to give this experiment a try while she goes back to work full time." Today he talks about men who are redefining the definition of "fatherhood."

First, I want to thank Erin for featuring dads on her blog. We don’t always get the attention we deserve (and that’s okay with most of us), and we certainly haven’t been painted in a good light by the media over the past several decades. I don’t have to tell you about the stereotypes that the media uses to categorize men and fathers. Just watch Fox on Sunday night. The thing that most concerns me, is what is being done to stop the negative connotation of the words “dad,” “husband” and even “stay-at-home dad.” The only "thing" that is going to change the minds of people and the media is dads becoming more engaged with their families. For many families, that might mean a job change or a "role swap" where dad stays home and mom goes to work. As a stay-at-home father, I felt like I was making a huge sacrifice to walk away from a career to stay at home with my daughter. It was providing, but in a different way than is traditional in America. It took me a while to be okay with that, and the key to wrapping my head around it was finding support from other guys that are doing the very same thing. So, in an effort to help change the negative stereotypes that dads face, I wanted to take the opportunity to let you know about several men that are fighting to get the good image of dad back by defending and advocating for involved fathers everywhere.

Al Watts

President, Daddyshome, Inc

Al has been an at-home dad for 8 years and has four children ages two to eight. He is the President of Daddyshome, Inc. a non-profit organization that provides support, education and advocacy for dads who are their children’s primary caregiver. In addition to his work with Daddyshome, Inc., Al also writes for Momaha.com. Al was largely responsible, along with Dr. Aaron Rochlen, for getting TIME Magazine’s online affiliate “Healthland” to change the headline and URL of a story that claimed, “Stay-At-Home Dads Are More Likely to Divorce” (the URL was worse!). The editors of the story had an angle, and they used a study that was completely unrelated to make a wide generalization that the study’s own data did not support. Through Al’s work, the headline and eventually that URL were changed to more accurately reflect the data in the study that “Unemployed Men Are More Likely to Divorce” not stay-at-home dads. You can read about the entire situation on the Daddy’s Home Blog HERE.

Dr. Aaron Rochlen
Associate Professor in Counseling Psychology University of Texas at Austin

Dr. Rochlen is a licensed psychologist, and a married father of two. His research has focused on men and masculinity, including men’s barriers to help-seeking, men and depression, and men in non-traditional family roles. He has published several studies on stay-at-home fathers and their families, and has appeared as the keynote speaker at several at-home dad conventions. His work has appeared on The Today Show, NPR, CNN, MSNBC.com and in publications like The New York Times and USA Today. Dr. Rochlen’s work is unique in that it studies the relationships of families with a male in a non-traditional role such as an at-home father, a nurse, or a elementary school teacher. His research is helping us understand why more men are rejecting traditional roles in our society, the impact those decisions have on their families, and what we, as a society, can learn from this shift. For more of Dr. Rochlen’s work, you can read the following articles: A Q&A With At-Home Fathers, A Recent Article for Yahoo.com, and Honey, I’m Home – Stay-at-Home Dads’ psychological well-being guaged in this new study.

Bruce Sallan
BruceSallan.com

Bruce is a one-of-a-kind renaissance man with a big smile and a heart for adventure. He’s got a passion for family, and a determination to create great content for today’s dad. Bruce works with dads through his weekly parenting column that is written from the male perspective and is featured in several newspapers. He produces his own internet radio show as well. He has also written a book called “A Dad’s Point of View: We ARE Half the Equation,” and he even translates some of life’s best examples of this idea into a comic strip series called “Because I Said So.” He uses whatever spare time he has left to curate the discussion at #DadChat on Twitter every Thursday at 9PM EST and enjoy life’s adventures with his wife and two sons.

C.C. Chapman
Founder Digital Dads

C.C. Chapman is the Founder of Digital Dads and the author of Content Rules. He is a family first entrepreneur with two great kids. He loves the outdoors, cooking, photography and technology. He consults with companies around the globe to help them embrace the new world of marketing and business. Mr. Chapman is frequently challenging the current trends in media that tend to portray dads in a negative way. For example, he recently went to bat with Ragu and their parent company Unilever about their recent campaign to “rescue dads” from the kitchen, but not only offering criticism, but also suggesting how they could have done it better. You can read about it on his blog HERE. No matter what he is up to, you can bet that C.C. is defending dads and, more importantly, helping companies understand how to change their definition of dad so that this negative trend can be over with.

Lance Somerfeld & Matt Schneider
Founders - NYC Dads Group

Lance and Matt are stay-at-home dads that found themselves looking for a way to provide an opportunity for their kids to meet up and play, and not only that, they wanted to build a support network for other dads that want to be involved with their families. Two years ago they founded the NYC Dads Group, and it has rapidly grown to over 425 active dads! They do playgroup and educational events including a New Dad Boot Camp. Their site also has information about how to start your own dad's group. They have been featured on CBS News and NBC’s Today Show and in publications like USA Today and Parenting Magazine. They were recently asked to be a part of the New York City New Parents Expo. They were asked to sponsor the “Dad Lounge,” and the event planners originally wanted this to be an “escape” for dads, way off in a corner, to hang out and do mindless activities like play Xbox and sit on couches while their wives went around to the vendors at the expo. Lance and Matt did not hesitate to seize the opportunity. They said, “Yes, we will do the sponsorship, but we want to do exactly the opposite of what you’re planning. We want to show dads how to be more involved with their kids... and we want your largest booth... and we want to be in the center of the hall.” How’s that for changing the definition of dad? They showed all of the attendees and vendors just how important it is to be an involved father!

If you want to keep up with my adventures as a stay-at-home father, you can check out The Real Matt Daddy Blog.

A Father's Future (a guest post by Steve Birkett) #pregnancy

I first met Steve Birkett during one of @BruceSallan's #dadchat twitter parties (Thursdays at 9:00 EST). When I learned that he was a first time expectant parent I asked him if he would write a post about his thoughts on his future fatherhood. He gladly obliged. Steve is a social media consultant primarily focusing on the music industry. You can read more about his business (and contact him if you are in need of a social media consultant) at his blog Above The Static.

A Father's Future

I first learned of my shift from aspiring Daddy to real life Father-to-be on a sleepy Saturday morning this past summer. Having satisfyingly pounded the snooze button for perhaps the thirtieth time, I was presented with an altogether more persistent form of wake up call: an ecstatic wife with a positive pregnancy test. My lie-in would have to wait (a situation that I've since been informed to get used to).

Having tried for over one year to conceive - enduring all manner of unpleasant treatments for my strong-willed wife - I was, of course, feeling elated. Relief, uncertainty, joy, questions, and confusion also flooded through me, the latter quite possibly down to being half awake and not entirely convinced that the whole thing wasn't a particularly vivid dream.

Tears, tea, and talking to my wife brought home the reality of the situation: I'm going to be somebody's Dad.

The More Things Change...

The first thing that surprised me was the disconnect between the enormity of the news and how little it actually changes things, in the short term at least. We couldn't really tell people outside of close family for a month or two, so no great hype built up around our life-changing event. We had a lot to learn, but nine months is a significant amount of study time (please, remind me of that one week before the due date!). Even our eating habits didn't need to be adjusted that much until the second trimester. My wife doesn't drink much and neither of us smoke, so there were no addictions to suddenly break.

In some ways, at least practically, this was business as usual. Mental preparation and not too much else.

In the absence of practical steps, I always turn to research. My better half Jen has a similar reaction, so we both felt a trip to the Borders fire-sale to be in order. The Brooklyn Central Library has since been raided on multiple occasions since that day, having spurred us both to finally register for library cards. Then we turned to the online resources like webzines, blogs, Twitter chats... information overload!

Between the pregnancy planning books, online medical articles, mommy blogger advice, and myriad other information sources on offer for parents-to-be, it could be argued that over-reading is almost as troublesome as under-reading. Sure, there are some crucial things to know - how much to budget, safety tips, and how you’ll never get to sleep again - but the unabated hypochondria of the Internet age can also kick in, with self diagnosis of every potential health concern. A fine line to walk indeed.

Nonetheless, forewarned is usually forearmed. Given the choice, I'd rather understand potential risks and rule them out, than remain oblivious. In the case of new parents, I'm very much of the mind that ignorance is not bliss.

Man In The Mirror

In addition to thinking about me having a child, I've also spent a lot of time reflecting on the child having me. It's a strange thing to contemplate, how a person that doesn't yet exist as a person will come to view you. I find these thoughts guiding my decisions more and more as the pregnancy becomes more 'real'.

Inevitably, there will be many more trials, triumphs, and tribulations to come before my wee one arrives...and then, I'm told, the "real fun" begins! Despite the knowing smiles with which that phrase has been delivered to me, I can't recall anticipating any event quite this fervently since my wedding day.

And for all the reading I'll have done and guidance that I've sought, one piece of advice will be at the forefront of my mind:

"Just when you think you’re getting the hang of it, everything changes and you realize that you still know nothing.”

Don't Take My Advice (A Guest Post by Richard Monroe)

There are just some bloggers that you instantly connect with. Richard Monroe, author of The Butterbottom Blog is one of mine. He's funny, nice, and willing to help with anything. He also knows my favorite donut (peanut from Jolly Pirate) and delights in reminding me. I've become a peanut expert on Klout, and I believe it's all because of him.

Richard started blogging as an adjunct to his clothing line Butterbottom. He soon realized that he loved the process of writing as it helped him reflect on what is important in life, what's not, and, most importantly, what he can turn into satire. He lives with wife Laura and sons Henry, 7, and Turner, 5.

Don't Take My Advice

When my pal Erin asked me to contribute to her Dadtober blog special, first thought was: of course I'll help her. Which was soon followed by, does that mean I have to write something new? That sounds like work. Erin, being the great sport, said it was fine to contribute something already posted on my blog, which was relevant to her theme.

But honestly my reluctance wasn't complete laziness (although that was a large part of it), but the issue of parenting advice and its irrelevance to anyone but your own children.

As contradictory as this sounds, the best parenting advice and the only one I've ever adhered to was told to me by a former colleague who I never would have taken for a parenting guru. About a month before our first was born, he simply said, "Look, after about two weeks, nobody on the entire planet is going to know your baby better than you and your wife. So you don't need to listen to anybody else. Its your kid, you'll know him or her better, so just do what you think is best."

And that seems just about perfect. In reality, every single child out there is different. So however one person deals with their kid has 0% to do with what you should do with yours (unless that person is your spouse of course). And if you have more than one child, you will find that each of those kids needs their own style of parenting. The nice compassionate extremely patient parent may be great for one, while the other may need the 'tough love' parent. Just threatening my oldest with a timeout stops him in his tracks, whereas the younger will not stop till whatever punishment is put in place.

But what really complicates things is that they grow and change and no two days are alike. So suddenly, your once introverted kid is suddenly mouthing off at school and a cocky little son of a gun. Or one day, after weeks of just general unpleasantness, your kid wakes up and seems like a brand new child and you think "I don't know what happened, but I'll take it".

And then they can pull a 180 in the midst of a single day. How many days have you had the best morning turn into the worst night? Or vice versa? Or how many times has one of your kids been totally awesome and then turns into a complete sourpuss, just as the other one has suddenly gone from acting too big for his britches to being the best daddy's little helper?

Its like the scene from The Incredibles when discussing the Omnidroid 9000, Bob says, "Let me guess, it got smart enough to wonder why it has to take orders from you?" That's childhood in a nutshell.

So, who am I to give you advice? Whatever I think probably doesn't work for your child and even if it does today, it won't tomorrow. So all you can do is keep fighting the good fight and start looking at military schools in your area.

Getting To Know Your Newborn (A Guest Post by Mark Perlman)

Today's guest post is an excerpt from the book Caring For Your Newborn, Dr. Oslson Huff nd Nicole Rawson-Huff eds. It was submitted by Michelle Hutchison, Managing Editor of Sixty Second Parent.

Mark Perlman, the post's author, has 35 years of experience working with parents, children, and families in strengthening the family bond. He authored The Nurturing Father’s Program, a thirteen-week parenting curriculum for men that has been utilized by thousands of fathers and implemented by organizations such as Prevent Child Abuse, Head Start, and Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative. Mark also authored the MArraige and PArrenting Program (MA & PA), which helps couples parent successfully as a team. He is the past Executive Director of the Family Counseling Center, the Child Protection Center and Fathers United Network (FUN) of Sarasota, Florida. He has served on the Florida Commission on Responsible Fatherhood, Commission on Marriage and Family Support, and currently on the Governor’s Child Abuse Prevention and Permanency Council. Mark is the proud married father of two grown sons.

Getting To Know Your Newborn

The days and weeks that follow the birth of your new baby are a busy time. As a father, you will likely continue to be the support person for your partner as well as communication central for family and friends. You will be juggling many roles and responsibilities.

It’s important that you take time to get to know your baby. Don’t hold back; jump right in and be an involved father.

If you are not too familiar with newborns, ask the delivery nurse how to hold your baby and any other questions you may have. These first days and weeks provide a unique opportunity for you to establish a bond and begin the relationship with your daughter or son that will last a lifetime.

Look for opportunities for you and your new baby to spend one-on-one time together, for example, when your partner is sleeping, needing a break, or preparing for nighttime feedings. Some new dads offer to get up to give the baby the middle of the night bottle (if bottle feeding) because it is such a peaceful and quiet time to hang out together – and mom will love the extra sleep.

Some dads describe holding their baby in one arm (head carefully supported) while doing some light work around the house. Other dads smile when they describe their baby falling asleep on their chest while they watch sports on television.

Use your five senses to learn about and enjoy your newborn:

• Sight--Look at his face (eyes, ears, tiny nose), hands, feet, hair (if any).


• Watch his facial expressions, awake or asleep. Smile and make funny faces. Close face-to-face contact allows your baby to see your face.


• Sound--Listen to your baby’s breathing and the many sounds he makes.


• Touch—Caress his soft cheek, feet, and tiny hands. Place your finger in his hand and see if he grabs hold. Bend your finger and let your baby suck on your knuckle. Let your baby lie on your chest. (This may work best with your shirt off because babies love skin-to-skin contact.) I also recommend that you and your partner learn infant massage.


• Smell—Take in his feast of amazing smells – hair, scalp, face, and other smells (with which you will become too familiar).


• Taste—Kiss your baby’s forehead, cheeks, hands, and feet.

Hold your baby close: After being in the enclosed womb for nine months, infants are used to being cuddled and held close. All of the above activities also engage your baby’s senses, which stimulate his growth and development.

By Mark Perlman

Making Up for Lost Time (a guest post by Justin Mannato)

Today's guest blogger is Justin Mannato of Daddy Knows Less. Justin's inspiration is is daughter (known as "Peanut" on the blog) and he strives to catch parenthood in real time. He captures the moments, large and small, that make up parenthood and family. Daddy Knows Less is Circle of Moms #12 Top Daddy Blogs.

Making Up For Lost Time

Sometimes the smallest thing will stop you in your tracks. And break your heartd

Another day started way too early as my alarm sounded at 4:24 in the morning. I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled downstairs, towel and razor in hand. I shower downstairs to ensure I don't wake everyone up.

There it was: frozen in time

Then, I saw it. Sitting there on one of the stools under the counter. One of the Peanut's books.

And that's when it hit me. Smacked me in the face, in fact.

Yesterday evening the Peanut ran into the kitchen holding that book. Did she want me to read it? No. She wanted to show me something in it. It's a book with a different dog on each page, and when you turn the pages each different dog takes on the same big googily eyes. She wanted to show me which one looks like Luna.

But I was too busy. To my defense, I really was very busy. I had to delay getting dinner started because Luna once again crapped in the living room. So I was annoyed and busy.

And it grosses me out to have to clean up dog poop and cook a meal. The hand washing knows no end.

Standing there in the kitchen ten hours later, guilt consumed me. I remembered telling the Peanut to please wait. I wasn't nasty. I nicely explained to her that because Luna had an accident, I couldn't look right now. But I will in a minute.

This is the daily struggle we as working parents endure. Sometimes I stop doing what I'm doing and pay attention to her. If not, I will follow up in a minute, when I have a minute. (But who ever has a minute?)

That minute never came. I felt devastated. I felt I had disappointed her. I showered, soaked in sorrow.

When I came home tonight to start dinner, I saw that book again. Forgotten again. By me. By the Peanut. Now 24 hours later, it still sat on that same stool.

I hadn't even taken my bag off my shoulder when I announced to her, "You know what I'd like you to do right now? May you show me what you wanted to show me in this puppy book?"

She immediately ran in from the playroom, as if no time had passed. She grabbed the book, turned the pages, and showed me.

"This one is Luna:"

Then she turned a few pages and said, "And this one is me.”

Maybe she didn't think anything of it. Maybe she did. Either way, I felt like in that one little moment, I saved her a trip to the therapist. I righted a wrong.

And in that moment, we both felt better. All it took was a little time.

9 Great TV Dads

These days you'd be hard pressed to find a wonderful TV dad. They are out there, but really, where are the Cliff Huxtables and Andy Taylors of today. Cartoons give us bafoonish examples like Jimmy Neutron's completely lost father, i Carly's dad is absent and she's more mature than Spencer, and where is Victoria Justice's dad on Victorious? Our kids are being exposed to some pretty bad examples.

Back in the day we had amazing father figures to look to. Here is my list, in no particular order, of great TV dads.

Ward Cleaver

He is my prototypical TV dad. Always a wise word, loving with his wife, great with his boys, he knew how to take his shoes off, put his slippers on, and read the evening paper before dinner. He got mad at the boys when they were bad, but not too mad. Just angry enough that the Beeve and Wally knew they'd disappointed the old man, which was just something you didn't do to Ward Cleaver. He was too good to be someone you'd want to disappoint; instead, he was the type of man you aspired to grow up to be.

Steven Keaton

Always the wise word, because he used to be a hippie. Which made him cool, even though he was now a sort-of-yuppie. Also, he lived in Columbus, OH, and NO t.v. show was set in Columbus, ever (although us Columbus kids couldn't really figure out where he lived, in his lovely Victorian house and safe neighborhood, a combo that wasn't as common then as it is now). His son Worshiped at the alter of capitalism and Ronald Reagan, something he was totally opposed to (remember, hippie), but he loved him and listened to him just the same. His daughter brought home a scary looking artist dude and he accepted him. He got angry, and the kids didn't want to disappoint him, either, because at the heart of it, he was a good man who loved his family and he wasn't afraid to say it. And his son was Michael J Fox.

Dan Conner

Dan was an every man. He worked on motorcycles. His business failed. He worked hard to keep his family supplied for. He didn't like his life at times and at others loved it and everyone in it. He threw angry fits at times, but usually saw the humor in life. Dan took things as they came at him and handled them the best he could, which was usually pretty well, given that he was poor and had a crass, domineering wife, rebellious, disaffected kids, and an absolute mess of a father, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law. He gave funny yet insightful advice to his family and was as protective as he could be. Blessed with a big belly and a big heart, we all loved him.

Andy Taylor

Probably one of the moral people ever on TV. The town sheriff who wouldn't let his deputy load his gun (for obvious reasons). He raised his son in an authoritative yet gentle manner; you were never in doubt of who was in charge. When Opie killed a bird, he didn't like it and let Opie know it, but he let Opie work out the ethics of it all on his own. He was always there for his son, Aunt Bea, Helen, and everyone in town. The handsomest man in church, he ate the kerosene pickles just to make sure Aunt Bea was happy. If every boy aspired to be an Andy Taylor, just imagine what a fabuous, Mayberry of a world we could live in.

Charles Ingalls

Frontier dad who built a log cabin, could dig a well, and saw his children through a life threatening illness practically every episode. Could deal with tragedy better than any human being ever born, and had the authority to get his family (and everyone else in town for that matter) through it as well. Strong, silent, loving, godly. Was Charles Ingalls perfect? Maybe.

Steve Douglas

Widower, aeronautical engineer, and understanding father to Mike, Chip, and Robbie, and later, Ernie. A family of boys who grew into men, accompanied by grandfather "Bub" and housekeeper Uncle Charlie. Along the way, the boys got married, had a few kids, they moved from Illinois to California, and Steve ruled the family along the way.

Howard Cunningham

A man who found his calling when the toilet overflowed. Local hardware store owner, devoted husband, lodge brother, and bowling league member. Let a greaser live over his garage and eventually became the closest thing to a father that greaser ever had. Raised a superb son of fine moral fiber (even though he barely tolerated his goonie friends) and a spazzy girl in a poodle skirt (even though she eventually ran off with the greaser's cousin to live over a pizza shop and sing cheesy duets). Had it going on long before "had it going on" meant anything.

Tim Taylor

Sure, he was a TV handy man who couldn't fix anything. That didn't matter when he got home (well, it did, but there was always Al to fix what he broke). At home, he was a manly man, raising three boys to become honorable men, drinking a beer here and there, and restoring his series of amazing hot rods. He and his wife had IT going on, even though they had a fight here and there. Slightly befuddled but spot on where it counted, he knew when to ask his sage neighbor for advice, and always seemed to get it right in the end.

Cliff Huxtable

When Americans were asked which TV dad they would most like to have, all of the above men made the list, along with Ben Cartright, Ozzie Nelson, Mike Brady, and, inexplicably, Peter Griffin, but Cliff Huxtable was #1 by a landslide. And lets all face it, Cliff is the best dad on TV, ever. He's funny, smart, likes to play with kids, love his wife, may not get what he wants all the time but can laugh his way through it, and will go to unending lengths to teach his kids a lesson (such as when he cleared out Theo's room, created a fake job, made him rent his room back, buy all the furniture, leaving him, of course, with nothing at the end of the day to have fun with, all the while enlisting every member of the family as bit players in Theo's lesson in economics). Who didn't love his wacky sweaters, his love of jazz, and his attempts to eat whatever he wanted despite Claire's watchful eye. I really could write an entire thesis on Cliff (and I'm sure a few people have), but I will end it here, wondering "Will there ever be another Cliff?"

Who are some of your favorite TV dads, and who did I forget?

Parent or Friend? (a Guest post from Ben Moffat)

I’m so pleased to be including a post from our next blogger, Ben Moffat, author of The Angry Scot. Ben moved to Järpås, Sweden from Fife, Scotland after he met his partner Marie. Together they have three children, Mikaela, 14, Alexander, 6, and Maximus, 6. He started blogging in July 2011 “because my partner Marie thought i would be pretty good at it, because im the type of person who normally tells it how it is or at least how he see’s it. But now I’m just blogging because it’s fun and i have met loads of awesome people through doing it and can’t wait to meet more.” To his credit, he seems to have built a large following in a small amount of time as every dad blogger I’ve met seems to know him. Give a warm welcome to The Angry Scot!

Parenting is quite possibly one of the hardest jobs any mother and father have to endure in their lifetime, it is a job that never ends, you are a parent 24/7, 365 days a year. However since moving across to Sweden (and by all means this is not a post about how bad parents Swedish are because for the most part they are fantastic) but as I have noticed a growing trend over the last 5 years since moving here.

"Now what is this trend?" I hear you ask. Well what I am talking about is the amount of parents I have seen neglect their parental duties and favour something that for the most part is good but has extremely bad consequences and this is friendship. Before anyone decides to go on a rampage, I am not saying you shouldn't be a friend to your child (by god no), that is something you definitely should be but when you are favouring being a friend to your children over being a parent that is where you see the likes of what I have seen over the past few years.

My twin boys used to attend the local daycare centre here in Järpås where we live. They didn't really need to be there since I am a stay at home dad, but it was something that both myself and my fiancée thought would be a great experience for them. I remember the first week I began to take the boys up to daycare, there was always this young boy up there already who was a little bit older than my two boys and always walked around like he owned the place, jumping on the furniture, bossing people around and such likes. I thought nothing of it because you know that some children are just like that. But a few weeks later I finally noticed the real reason behind his behaviour and attitude.

The reason behind it? His mother. Now I am not saying she is a bad mother, she is probably a good mother and does the very best she can, but the way she spoke to him and the way she treated him really annoyed me so much that I really wanted to say something. I decided not to say anything, because well my thoughts and opinions are exactly that mine, and it is certainly not my place to go around criticizing people's methods of parenting.

But this one day I went up to pick up my boys and was sitting on one of the sofa type benches they had just as you walked in the door, waiting for my kids to finish eating their afternoon snack and the same little boy who I had been seeing everyday was sitting on the one in front of me (or should I say jumping around and jumping on top of it). Not only was he doing that but his mother was standing right there in the doorway to the cloakroom.

As she turned around she must have got a glimpse of the look on my face (It was the look of "hello can you please tell your child that he shouldn't be doing that") but instead she just laughed and shrugged it off with the look off ("well what you going to do eh? Boys will be boys"). Eventually she had finished getting her other child dressed and ready to go and told her other boy who was performing acrobatics on the daycare furniture that it was time to go, but instead of the boy getting down and going with his mother he just completely ignored her request and continued with his antics.

But instead of being the firm parent, directing her child with what she wanted done she opted to go for the sad puppy dog eyes and come out with "Oh come on now son, let's get moving. Your dad will be home soon and i need to make dinner" in the most gentle voice you could possibly imagine. Of course like you could imagine the boy once more just completely ignored his mother and just continued doing what he was doing, but once more instead of taking the firm approach and telling the boy that it was time to go and to get a move on she opted for the bribe approach with "Please come now, when we get home we can have dinner and then some ice-cream and candy and cuddle up on the couch and watch some cartoons".

This to me is not on, he is the child and you are the parent at the end of the day and what you say goes, there is no point being all friendly towards your children if they are just going to completely ignore your requests and directions.

Safe to say the boy has grown up now and his behaviour and attitude has not changed one bit. He still does what he wants says what he wants and gets away with it, he has attempted a few times to try and speak to me like I was nothing but a piece of dirt on his shoe and I have just completely ignored him. I could have replied with something like "Listen, don't you speak to me like that" but seeing as I am not his parent I don't feel it is my place so I opted to just ignore his remarks and continue with what I was doing.

This story is a prime example of many things I have seen over the years that prove to me that I am teaching my children the correct way to be in life, some might say that I am strict parent and if that is their opinion then so be it, but I refuse to let my children get away with anything they are not meant to and I will definitely not let them talk to people without being respectful.
You might think that this has nothing to do with being a friend to your children but in my eyes it is, the mother instead of being a parent was being a friend to her child and in return she was ignored and disrespected not only that it was done in front of a complete stranger.

So if you take anything away from this post, then it should be to watch that fine line that we as parents have between being a parent, and being a friend to your child. Cherish the children you have but at the same time teach them the right way to act and to speak to people. Manners cost nothing in this world and I believe that it is the duty of every parent to teach their children that.

My Father Figures: Pierson Gilliland

Grandpa Gilliland. The name conjures up warm fuzzies and massive feelings of love. He was actually my great grandfather, my paternal grandma's dad. My paternal grandfather died before I was born, so my earliest memories are of Grandpa Gilliland.

I worshiped him. There is just no other word that explains my feelings for him. I remember eating Cheerios with heavy cream with him because that's what he liked to eat. I remember just being with him. But the truth is, as the years have gone by, I've forgotten more and more about him.

He died when I was still very young. I think I was 8 or 9. Someone took me for a walk and told me he was dead and that I would never see him again. It took a few days, but it was the first time that I was completely, totally devastated by a person's death. At one point I wrote a letter to God asking for Grandpa Gilliland back. There was a large part of me that was sure that God would give me my wish. When he didn't I think I truly understood the finality of death.

But the most important thing that Grandpa Gilliland taught me was that I was loved. He loved me entirely and completely. And I felt the same thing for him. I still feel it all these years later when I think of him.

Look at that little girl. She loves that man. She will forever,

but she just doesn' t know it yet.

When I think of Grandpa Gilliland, I think about love.

Be The Man Your Wife Wants and Children Need (guest Post from Dustin Christian)

The first of my Dad Bloggers Is 32 year old Dustin Christian, author of Daddy Geek: Raising the Dungeonmasters of Tomorrow. He currently resides in Gulfport, MS with wife Rhonda Gail and children Jude, 5 (from another marraige), Nick, 5 (Rhonda's, but his in every other way), and Harper, 2 and Quentin who is due later this month. Dustin has been blogging off and on for eight years and Daddy Geek is his fourth or fifth blog. According to Dustin, “DaddyGeek goes through phases. Sometimes it’s more Daddy, other times more Geek. Other times both fade into the background and it’s just about Dustin Christian. And sometimes it’s all about the boys. Nick makes the most appearances, mainly because he’s the oldest and thus most lessons are learned with him. “ I hope you enjoy his wonderful post!

Be The Man Your Wife Wants and Children Need

My wife has lost count of the times she's been told "Wow, I wish my husband would do that." My wife is envied, and an envied wife is a happy wife that appreciates her husband and lets him do things like attempt a freelance writing business from home because his dream is to make a living slinging words while he sits in his underwear and drinks beer.

I benefit from not being normal, is what I'm saying.

To be completely honest, I don't understand why I'm seen as unusual or a freak. I honestly don't know how I could be any other kind of husband and father than what I am - this really does seem brain-numbingly simple to me.

But everyone grows up with different value systems and different ideals about what a man should be, so I decided to lay out what is working for me, in the hopes that it could help some of you.

Take what you can use, leave the rest, your mileage may vary, choose your disclaimer. Hopefully you can use some of this and make your home-life a little easier to manage.

Forget Conformity.

Conformity for the sake of fitting in is for the weak-minded and weaker-willed. If your plans happen to follow the norm or conforming will achieve your goals, so be it. If conformity is holding you back from what you need or want? Forget. Conformity. Conformity is for sheeple. I don't wear a woolly coat and I'm not raising my boys to bleat.

Forget all the macho crap, lose the ego, and be a true partner.

Your concepts of "a woman's work" and wearing the pants in your family will get you nowhere. It's fine to have spheres of responsibility based on what your strengths, but be ready to step up and help with "her" responsibilities without restraint.

What's your alternative? Have things not get done and then fight about it?

Remember with whom you'll be spending the rest of your life and prioritize accordingly.

These first three really tie together. A lot of you will receive push-back from your friends and possibly even other husbands. You may be called whipped. You may be teased for going home to spend time with your kids instead of going to the bar and watching the game with your buddies. Other husbands may complain that you make them look bad.

To hell with them.

You are not married to your friends. Hopefully, at least one or two will still visit you when you're incontinent, but you don't go home to them every night. You will not grow old beside your friends. Your friends will not pick your nursing home or buy you Fathers' Day gifts. Your friends will not take care of you when you're sick.

And, to be frank (why stop now?), if other husbands aren't willing to step up their game, that's on them. Why make their problems your problem?

Change some diapers, especially the ones with a "surprise."

This ties into the first rule, but really deserves a spot of its own since my wife has shown more appreciation for this than almost anything else I do, ever.

I'm not really bothered by a diaper full of poop, and I'm even less bothered after five years of diaper changes, but nobody actually likes the (literal) crap job. I change 95 percent of the poopy diapers in our house, but you don't have to go that far. Taking one for the team even a third of the time will garner much appreciation from your wife.

Learn to cook.

Like changing diapers, you don't have to do this all the time. Just knowing that asking you to make dinner is an option will make your partner's life easier. When I stayed home with the boys, I cooked most meals. Now that we both work, my wife cooks more often than not. But she loves being able to ask me to make dinner or even just do all the prep work if it's needed.
Very little real work, major benefits.

LISTEN.

This is the most underused skill in our society today. Not just in marriages and parenthood, but life in general. People don't listen to what others are saying, they just wait for their turn to talk.
It is essential that you listen to your wife and kids. Listen to and understand their needs, their concerns, their fears, their joys, and their annoyances. You'd be amazed at how much easier your life and relationships can be if you take 5 minutes to really listen to and understand the people around you.

Also, never stop working on this.

Missing the ball game won't kill you.

Dude, I get it. It's been a long day, you're tired and you just want to sit back with a beer and watch some football. Or baseball. Or basketball. Or mud wrestling. It doesn't really matter. The point is that you just want to check out and relax for a while.

Here's the thing, though. Your kids adore you. It's a miracle and makes no sense, but no matter what you do, you are your children's hero. And they're dying to play with you or show you what they drew or tell you about the smelly kid in their class. They need some of your time. And, before you know it, they'll be too busy with their own lives to idolize you like this. They'll have their own lives and own interests and you'll be dying for their time but they just want to check out and listen to the new Deathmole album.

Time is a non-renewable resource. You'll never get another shot at spending today with your family, so carpe the fuck out of that diem.

Learn to appreciate cartoons

There will be days when your kids will want nothing more than to just sit on your lap, check out, and watch cartoons. Find the good ones, your sanity will thank you. And your kids will thank you when you're actually able to sit through that crap.

I'm a big fan of Phineas and Ferb, I can watch that all day. Ruby from Max and Ruby and Peppa from Peppa Pig make me crave pork and rabbit stew. The Wonder Pets creep me out. Batman: The Brave and The Bold is a godsend.

Choose wisely.

Reconnect with your inner child

Kids have the best games. Do not be so caught up with being an adult that you can't enjoy this.

Tell them embellished versions of the Three Little Pigs. Make up an entirely new story. Build a Lego diorama of the Battle at Helm's Deep. Draw silly pictures of your annoying boss. Try to explain how George Lucas could make such a mess out of Star Wars. Race your cardboard box cars around the house.Let your kids ride you around the house. If they're small enough, turn your laundry basket into their flying car.

Have fun. There are major health benefits, besides making your kids happy.

Let your wife sleep in once in a while.

Moms are some of the world's most sleep-deprived people. When surgical residents complain about their long hours and going days without sleep, mothers - especially mothers of newborns - laugh and call them pussies. Dads don't really get enough sleep, either, but we're able to let go at some point and trust that our kids can't get into too much trouble locked in their rooms. Moms will wake up if a floorboard creaks. In the house next door.

So, the next weekend that it is humanly possible, tell your wife to sleep in, pour the kids and yourself some cereal, snuggle up on the couch, and watch some cartoons. Your wife will be happier from sleep and you'll have picked up some quality time with your kids.

Look, all of this may not be for you. Your wife may not like sleeping in. She may be weird and enjoy changing diapers. Your kids may have reached the point where they like watching the game just as much as you. That's awesome.

But hopefully you'll have found something useful here, or - even better - maybe I inspired you to find your own method to step up your game as a husband and father.