Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Collage and a Good Cry

I don't know what it is about collaging; the last time I was in IOP I decorated EVERYTHING. The art therapist actually said to me "I was excited to see you were coming because I missed your collages." This is what I did to my folder today.

Photobucket

I learned something about myself that really shook me. And I cried for a long time when I came home. The thing is, this thing that I learned is something that my husband has been bugging me about for a long time. I love him because he never said, "I told you so." He listened and talked and heard my pain and then repeated everything he had told me in the past as a solution to this issue. And I'm so exhausted from crying and so scared of the solution that I don't know if I can go through with it.

I didn't expect to be so shaken by something. Erin, you say, you are in an Intensive Program. They are gonna dig. I just hope I don't dehydrate myself tomorrow. And I hope I'm not bringing you down! It's just my life right now, and I feel stripped down to the bone at the end of my second day. To the bone.

And with that, I'm making dinner.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

22 comments:

MsDarkstar said...

I had a blogger friend once say that I was "her sister in anger" (or something close) and I had never, before then, thought of myself as an angry person. But that comment made me realize how very angry I was (am?)

It is very hard to realize new things about yourself (consciously, I think we know alot of these things & just sortve bury them inside).

You're not alone. You can do what needs to be done.

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

Your post reminds me of a quote by M. Scott Peck (psychiatrist & author)...

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

My thoughts are with you, I hope you continue to grow and learn more about yourself. It's not always easy, but it's important.

Cora said...

My daughter did a paper in college on Art Therapy...it was very interesting and enlightening. Made a lot of sense too. The study she used was done on children and helped them so much! Good luck with your journey though this.
Expressing yourself here is good too!

Dawn said...

gorgeous collage ~ tapping into creativity is healing, painful but healing...wishing you peace in your journey

Kate Rowan said...

A Poem for you in this moment.
Kate
www.idreamloudly.com

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

stringsofpurls said...

Praying that God fills you with courage and His peace.

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still." -- Corrie ten Boom

Lana said...

WOW! I just read through all your post's responses, and I am so glad you have such a strong and empathetic blog world to be here with you through this journey of self-discovery. Breathe and know you are in our thoughts and prayers. They are sending you strength and love. Feel it as you go forward.

Tricia said...

I haven't had a good cry in a loooong time. Sometimes it's restorative.

I find it interesting that in the blogging community (full of creatives) there is so much angst, depression and self-doubt. I wonder why those terrible things always seem to go hand in hand with creative expression?

Char said...

the work inside is always the hardest to me. ((hugs)) for your journey. i cried a lot in therapy but as the time went on, they were better and better cries.

~Onreeone~ said...

The collage is fantastical. Hope this find's you well Erin. Angie

malia said...

erin thinking of you and sending you good thoughts you brave girl

Rae said...

Erin, I loved your interview on Dorothy's blog. Such wonderful answers to read.

Thanks for taking time to peep into my online home, it means a lot. :D

oh, and I love your collage!

BlackEyedDog said...

Art therapy is such an awesome thing...it helped me a lot during the months of my inpatient treatment.

I know you already received this award...but I think, a good actor can't have to many Oscars^^
Pick it up on my blog if you want to.

http://semicrazed.blogspot.com/2010/09/depression-ed-award-usual-30-dbj.html

xoxo

beth said...

still thinking of you....

Amy said...

I'm doing a lot of digging lately too. My psychiatrist broke me down again last night by helping me strip away the lies I tell myself. It's so hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end. To be free of the invisible burdens that weigh us down - how sweet that will be.

Hang in there.

Myrna R. said...

Erin, it sounds like you're making great progress, which always takes courage. The tears - well let them wash away what needs to go and heal what needs to stay.

Wishing you well.

Laurie said...

I love your collage. Art therapy is so beneficial. I pray that your tears will be like healing rain to your soul.

katieb said...

Erin~ thinking of you and sending hugs your way~

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Sharon said...

Sweet Erin,

You have such a creative and sensitive spirit. It may be that us artistic types always struggle with issues more intensely than others.

From the inspired responses you have on this post it's clear that you have support and readers that truly care. The poem that Kate left even made me cry and like Tricia, I haven't had a good cry in a long time.

May you be attended in spirit by all these good wishes as you journey through this healing process.

Michelle said...

I love this collage. Collage art is such an amazing medium to work with. My Husband actually does some pretty fun collages:-) I'm so glad you have a way to outlet. You are such an artist! Stay strong-

So Chic Decor said...

Art is very therapeutic...I'm glad you are digging deeper, even if it hurts. Hope you start to feel better.

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