Monday, September 13, 2010

Okay. So I'm a Basketcase

My IOP evaluation was today and if you call crying for an hour while I talked about why I needed to be there it went well. I can't go into a lot of detail because it involves a lot of family issues, but the long and short of it is that I am incredibly overwhelmed, feel under appreciated, and constantly stressed out. Also, they believe my depression is cyclical as every time I've been in an IOP or hospital it's been in Septermber. It's not the greatest spending your birthday ina psychiatric hospital.

My meds aren't right so they are going to find me a psychiatrist and therapist who can manage my depression better than my family doctor (who freaks out a little bit every time I tell him I need a refill on my anti-anxiety medication - never asked for it too soon, have been on the same dose for 3 years, and yet it's addictive, so most non-psych docs freak a little when writing for it.) My last psychiatrist refused to treat anxiety, so I'm not going back to her.

So I was sent home, was told to take my anti-anxiety meds, and to come back tomorrow at 9 am. Then I'll have to sit in a little circle and tell everyone why I'm there. Which is so complicated I don't even know where to start. These people are good people, though. They helped me so much a few years ago and I'm happy to let them help me now. So that's my basketcase day.

Photobucket

And I took this picture. For you astrology people out there, goldenrod is my ruling flower, whatever that means. I just think it's cuz it blooms at the same time that Virgos have their birthdays, but it's probably much more complicated than that.

13 comments:

Robin said...

Hang in there Erin, sending prayers for you! I sent you a Rav PM.

Megan {Honey We're Home} said...

Erin, I'm so sorry. I have some friends also going through very troubling times right now and it's so hard wanting to help but not knowing how. Just sending hugs your way.

Judy said...

I'm sorry...what a hard thing to have to face every year! I hope you find all the support there is out there for you.

Thanks for following my blog; I'm following you now and hope to read more of your story.

Char said...

depression, ah yes, i've been acquainted with that black dog. i'm sorry that you struggle with that demon and wish i had words of wisdom but i know that everyone is different. so i send instead warm thoughts and many good and positive wishes.

katieb said...

Erin~ sending hugs your way

beth said...

our field is filled with goldenrod.....so i'll be thinking of you !!

hugs !

Adena (aka cre82learn) said...

Thanks for coming by and visiting my blog. Yes, it does get cooler here in Florida during the winter, usually just Jan and Feb. We actually lived in Mich for 4 yrs and I love that there are four distinct seasons up there. It's been in low 90s here lately and I hate it. I want cool nights and colored leaves!! LOVE the photos on your blog!!! Browsed for awhile on your Flickr stream - what camera do you use? Are you using a PS action for all the softness?? do share!!

The Housewife said...

Erin,

I think it's great that you are so open about it. Depression is still something that people tell each other to 'snap out of', which is b.s.

So even in your struggles, you're helping. Keep that in mind.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

You will become stronger because of all of this. You are definitely in my thoughts!

Jane said...

Erin, I'm sorry for your struggles. I don't want to sound preachy here, so please forgive me. I know the pain of depression and other brain diseases. I also know the difficulty of navigating the mental health field. I hope that you can find a good psychiatrist and psychologist. Check all resources - recommendations from doctors, friends, insurance providers. Sometimes it takes a while to get a good fit. You mention anti-anxiety medications. Have you been prescribed any of the popular meds for depression (Zoloft, etc?) From my understanding the anti-anxiety meds are more immediate, but the antidepressants get to the heart of the chemical changes in the brain. I'm hoping that you find the help you need soon.

Emily Joyce said...

Praying for you again today, that the Lord is very near to you and gives you grace and comfort.

Been there before, and definitely went through it every year with my mom during December through February. It's encouraging to me that you're willing to get help. Your family would thank you for it if they knew what it was like to live with someone who denies they have a problem. Thanks for having the courage to set a good example.

Keep us up to date with how you're doing!

Hugs and prayers.

Myrna R. said...

Erin,
I'm so glad you're getting better treatment. Group therapy is very effective.

What may be most effective in your case is your hunger for health. Keep at it. Be brutally honest with yourself. I think that's one of the hardes parts of undergoing therapy - it is an internal mirror. Look in it. You'll find blemishes, but lots of beauty.

Laurie said...

I'm just getting caught up on blogreading and am so sorry to learn of your pain. Please know I'm sending you all the good thoughts I can and hope you can get a med dosage and a doc who will really help you. Take care.

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