Baseball, Dads, and Growing Up (A Guest Post from Josh Solar)

Josh Solar is our guest today. He is one half of The Happy Family Movement, an amazing website that aims to help families live a great life together. Fittingly, today he talks about the bonds formed through baseball.

Memories. You know the ones. All the wonderful memories you created with Dad. All the baseball. The trips to the amusement park in Albuquerque when mom was in some sort of training. The soccer & basketball & swimming (yes, lots of sports). Sneaking food into your room when mom sent you to bed without dinner because you wouldn't quit talking back. I'm sure your memories of Dad vary from mine, but you get the point.

For me, baseball with my dad was IT. The moment I could walk, I'm pretty sure my dad was throwing whiffle balls to me and teaching me how to properly field a ground ball. Watching the Dodgers on TV, eating all sorts of junk food. Most of my favorite memories of my dad involve baseball in some way or another. Especially the time we got to actually go to a Dodgers game and I got to try the world famous Dodger Dog for the first time (Note: It lived up to the hype!). I remember how excited I was when my dad took me to the Dodger store so I could buy all the World Series memorabilia after they won the World Series in 1988… you know, the year when Kirk Gibson hit that home run on one leg.

Now that I'm a dad, I think back to all the things my dad did with me and how they influence the way I raise my son. He's 6 and he LOVES baseball. Every day after school, we either head to the ball park so I can pitch to him, or we just play baseball in the street (we live on a cul-de-sac so it's safe). I'd like to think that my time spent playing baseball with Max will lead to some of life's most important lessons. Patience. Teamwork. The importance of putting in hard work to master a certain skill set. Hustle. Never give up. Be ready for whatever may come your way. Pride (I feel a great deal of pride when he rips a line drive over my head and I see that big 'ol grin as he's proud of himself).

Playing baseball with my son brings me back to all the time spent with my dad. I'm constantly reminded of the impact we have on these young, beautiful little human beings. As a dad, just being there, being PRESENT for your kids, attentive, listening, laughing with them, LOVING them with your whole heart. That's a big deal. I know, at some point, he'll be out on his own. He'll fall in love. Have kids of his own. And when it comes time to play with his kids, I want him to remember all the wonderful things WE did together. To love his family with his whole heart, and pass those same life lessons on to his kiddos.

Reconciling Beliefs or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christ.(A Guest post from Dustin Christian)

Another post from Dustin Christian of Daddy Geek: Raising the Dungeonmasters of Tomorrow. Today he talks about reconciling the differences in his wife's and his faith and beliefs.

Reconciling Beliefs or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christ

To me, “Christian” is nothing more than my last name. It's a last name that my wife loves because it's applied to her for as long as she can remember, but it's just a name to me.
Rhonda grew up with God as a constant presence in her life. I grew up unsure if God even exists.
I wasn't raised as an Atheist – most of my family considers themselves Christians (the church kind, not the last name kind) and would probably answer the classic question “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?” with an automatic, knee-jerk yes.
I've been to church, I even know the Lord's prayer by heart, but I've always been the type to question everything and forge my own path. Most church leaders I met didn't like it when a kid constantly questioned their faith, even if I was just trying to understand and reconcile what I saw as inconsistencies. Being constantly told to sit down and shut up, and seeing hypocrites like Jimmy Swaggart and Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker on the television (and hearing about the worst kept secret of pedophile priests) left me full of distrust and disdain for organized religion in general and evangelical Christians in particular.

I went from being Christian by default to agnostic to atheist to... undefined. I've studied and dabbled in other religions, faiths, and philosophies, and developed my own spiritual ideas. I could write thousands of words on the subject, but I now call myself an open-minded agnostic, for the sake of simplicity. I tend to believe there is probably a higher power, but I don't think it matters what you call that higher power – or if you even decide to call that power anything at all – as long as you try to be the best person you can possibly be.

I've never reconciled myself with closed-minded hypocrites of any faith, however. I doubt any one faith has all the answers, and they have to many commonalities to dismiss each other out of hand.

I'd reached the open-minded agnostic, live-and-let-live stage by the time I met Rhonda. But people who were extremely vocal about their faith still made me nervous, and Rhonda definitely wears her faith on her sleeve. As someone with such strong faith, she had never even considered spending her life with somebody who didn't share that faith. And, since we both had kids, any relationship had to beviewed with a consideration towards long-term implications.

While we were very interested in each other, religion was a potential deal-breaker.

When we talked about what we really believed, though, we found that we actually agreed on most things. Rhonda was raised in a Christian family in a heavily Christian small town, but had her own ideas about what was right and what was wrong. While she was without a doubt a Christian, she could see the value in other belief systems and agreed that, as long as they were focused on trying to bethe best person you could be, they were on the right track.
I believe that we've come to the same point from different paths. If I had been raised going to church every Sunday, I'd probably have a lot more faith. If she was raised away from church, she'd probably be a lot more skeptical – though I hope not as cynical as I am. I know that we've influenced each other. I've made Rhonda question things more and consider life from perspectives other than the Christian viewpoint, and she has caused me to have more faith and become more spiritual.

But I digress.

No matter how much we might agree, there was still the big question – once we were sure that ours was a long-term relationship – of how we would raise our children. Rhonda had never considered anything other than raising her kids as Christians and, while I had moved past my issues with Christianity, I wasn't comfortable with my kids being taught that there was only one way. Besides, I'm still not comfortable with a lot of the “morals” that many Christians profess.
In the end, we decided that the boys will make up their own minds about faith and religion. It's inevitable that Christianity will be the first thing they're exposed to. In this country (and particularly this state), they'll also be exposed to Christianity most often. I'm not looking forward to the day when I have to contradict some of the things the boys will hear (especially from their grandfather who is born-again and thus insists there's no other way to be), but at least I can do that without getting angry. I'm sure there will be bigger fights over the racism and homophobia they'll eventually hear from Rhonda's uncles and other bigots.

Rhonda had the idea of taking them to mosques, temples, and gatherings of other faiths, and I would love to do that – if they show interest. I'm not forcing anything on them. If and when they have questions, we'll answer them as openly and honestly as we know how. I hope it can wait long enough that they'll be able to grasp why Mommy and Daddy don't believe exactly the same things, but we'll do what we must.

The most important thing I can teach my kids is that everyone is different, and different ideas are not only okay – they're essential.

The Challenges of Fatherhood (A guest post by Alex Walsh)

Today's contributor is Alex Walsh, the publisher of the blog Daddacool (which is listed #8 in Cision's Top 10 UK Daddy Blogs). Today he touches on some of the challenges of fatherhood.

So this Daddy lark then. Has it changed me? Well I’m now capable of wiping someone elses bottom, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do. I barely enjoy wiping my own to be honest. The same goes for sick, I never thought I’d have a poorly toddler clasped to me when they chose to vomit down my back. To this day I remember the walk to the bathroom with chunks of sick worrying their way between my buttocks. And of course, there is the claim to fame I have in my twitter profile that elicits a lot of amusing chortles: Super powers include walking over Lego barefoot AND feeling NO pain!

Of course the experiences are only a small part of it really, and even the rather unsavoury ones have their upside- having a poorly child cling to you because they find you reassuring is special, even if the acidic smell of sick is burning your nostrils.

There are always challenges to being a Dad, and they’re not always the ones you’d expect. I always found little wriggly babies both incredibly delicate and incredibly strong at the same time. I clearly remember getting more frustrated than a newborn in my attempts to get a sleep suit on a baby. I also remember vividly the wrench at leaving my wife alone and confused after my two weeks paternity leave had finished. I even wrote about it for a national newspaper here in England.

And the lack of sleep, oh my goodness the lack of sleep. The boy didn’t sleep through the night until he was one but his little sister Fifi, still doesn’t sleep properly and she’ll be three in January. She was still waking up twice in the night until she was two, and after that she insisted on getting up at around 5am. Enough to make you weep tears of exhaustion.

I like to think that Claire and I are a team though. She might have been the one to carry the kids and give birth to them but I was the one who accidentally ensured that some heavy metal was playing during at least one of the deliveries. I try to do my fair share of the good stuff and the unpleasant stuff, be it bedtime routine and stories (which I always try to be home from work for) to taking them for their immunizations. The biggest challenge I have is not lowering myself to their level when it comes to playing games. I find it really easy to empathise with the children, particularly the boy.

I think though, the thing for me that sums up being a Dad perfectly is one of those days I come home to be met at the front door by the boy. He has a worried look on his face, mingled with a slight trace of worry. He gives me something precious to him that’s been broken and has complete faith in me to make everything all right. It’s a fairly well placed faith as far as he’s concerned. When we were lucky enough to go on holiday to Lake Garda, Italy, we spent hours walking around a fortified walled city. When we got back to the hire car, he said, “Where’s bunny?” We had 20 minutes on the parking meter left and he had lost his most precious cuddly toy in a walled city. I ran off at speed and came back 17 minutes later with his bunny. He was unconcerned, because I was his Daddy and he had complete trust in me to make things okay. And that is what it means to me to be a Daddy.

Time Sure Goes By Fast (A guest post by John Willey)

John Willey is the author of Daddy's In Charge? and one of this year's Parents.com Best Dad Blog Award Nominees. Check out his Lego movies (starring everyone from Chuck Norris to Spiderman) which record his singular views on fatherhood.

"Time sure goes by fast, huh Daddy?" - my son Tyler

Yeah Tyler, it sure does.

It seems just like like yesterday I was sitting outside the operating room crying hysterically both scared to death and happy all in the same moment. Scared to death that your mother was having an emergency C section but also happy because it meant that you were on your way out. I was also scared to death because my life would change forever, I was now going to be a dad, and I had no idea what that was actually going to mean. Time sure does go by fast, I remember the first night you were home from the hospital, you were crying your little eyes out and we had no idea what the problem was. The only thing that we could think of was to put a binky in your mouth, it worked wonders. It still took you a long time until you slept through the night, but look at you now, you sleep like such a big kid, although you could go to bed on your own sometimes.

Time sure goes by fast, I can remember sitting in your bedroom late one night and you rolled yourself from your back to your front. It was just you and me and I thought that nothing could be better than that moment. Then you started to crawl, albeit like a wounded army man, and you could now get around on your own. You didn't need me to carry you everywhere. Look at you now, you are faster than a speeding bullet and you run everywhere you go. We have had a lot of nights like that one in your bedroom, a lot of great moments.

Time sure does go by fast, you used to need us to read everything to you. You didn't know your ABC's or how to count to ten. But you figured that all out, you turned into such a smart little kid. The smartest in fact! You used to just scribble everything, before you knew how to write or draw. But look at you now, look at what in incredible artist you are. You amaze me everyday with that little brain of yours.

Time does go by fast, you used to be the only baby that we had. It used to be only you, but then along came Carter. We had an idea that you would be a great big brother, but seeing how you are with him, you really turned into the best big brother in the whole world. He loves you so much! You have gotten to be such an awesome little kid in these past seven years and you grew up so fast, it makes me wonder sometimes where it all went.

"Time sure goes by fast huh daddy? I came into your room at 6:30, (fell back asleep) and now its already 7:45. How did that happen?"

I have no idea Tyler, I have no idea.

Redefining the Definition of "Fatherhood" (a guest post by Matthew Peregoy)

Today's second article is by Matt Peregoy, The Real Matt Daddy. He lives with his family in Gettysburg, PA. He gave up a 70 hour work week for a national retailer to be a stay-at-home dad for his daughter and is married to a wonderful woman who "trusts me enough to give this experiment a try while she goes back to work full time." Today he talks about men who are redefining the definition of "fatherhood."

First, I want to thank Erin for featuring dads on her blog. We don’t always get the attention we deserve (and that’s okay with most of us), and we certainly haven’t been painted in a good light by the media over the past several decades. I don’t have to tell you about the stereotypes that the media uses to categorize men and fathers. Just watch Fox on Sunday night. The thing that most concerns me, is what is being done to stop the negative connotation of the words “dad,” “husband” and even “stay-at-home dad.” The only "thing" that is going to change the minds of people and the media is dads becoming more engaged with their families. For many families, that might mean a job change or a "role swap" where dad stays home and mom goes to work. As a stay-at-home father, I felt like I was making a huge sacrifice to walk away from a career to stay at home with my daughter. It was providing, but in a different way than is traditional in America. It took me a while to be okay with that, and the key to wrapping my head around it was finding support from other guys that are doing the very same thing. So, in an effort to help change the negative stereotypes that dads face, I wanted to take the opportunity to let you know about several men that are fighting to get the good image of dad back by defending and advocating for involved fathers everywhere.

Al Watts

President, Daddyshome, Inc

Al has been an at-home dad for 8 years and has four children ages two to eight. He is the President of Daddyshome, Inc. a non-profit organization that provides support, education and advocacy for dads who are their children’s primary caregiver. In addition to his work with Daddyshome, Inc., Al also writes for Momaha.com. Al was largely responsible, along with Dr. Aaron Rochlen, for getting TIME Magazine’s online affiliate “Healthland” to change the headline and URL of a story that claimed, “Stay-At-Home Dads Are More Likely to Divorce” (the URL was worse!). The editors of the story had an angle, and they used a study that was completely unrelated to make a wide generalization that the study’s own data did not support. Through Al’s work, the headline and eventually that URL were changed to more accurately reflect the data in the study that “Unemployed Men Are More Likely to Divorce” not stay-at-home dads. You can read about the entire situation on the Daddy’s Home Blog HERE.

Dr. Aaron Rochlen
Associate Professor in Counseling Psychology University of Texas at Austin

Dr. Rochlen is a licensed psychologist, and a married father of two. His research has focused on men and masculinity, including men’s barriers to help-seeking, men and depression, and men in non-traditional family roles. He has published several studies on stay-at-home fathers and their families, and has appeared as the keynote speaker at several at-home dad conventions. His work has appeared on The Today Show, NPR, CNN, MSNBC.com and in publications like The New York Times and USA Today. Dr. Rochlen’s work is unique in that it studies the relationships of families with a male in a non-traditional role such as an at-home father, a nurse, or a elementary school teacher. His research is helping us understand why more men are rejecting traditional roles in our society, the impact those decisions have on their families, and what we, as a society, can learn from this shift. For more of Dr. Rochlen’s work, you can read the following articles: A Q&A With At-Home Fathers, A Recent Article for Yahoo.com, and Honey, I’m Home – Stay-at-Home Dads’ psychological well-being guaged in this new study.

Bruce Sallan
BruceSallan.com

Bruce is a one-of-a-kind renaissance man with a big smile and a heart for adventure. He’s got a passion for family, and a determination to create great content for today’s dad. Bruce works with dads through his weekly parenting column that is written from the male perspective and is featured in several newspapers. He produces his own internet radio show as well. He has also written a book called “A Dad’s Point of View: We ARE Half the Equation,” and he even translates some of life’s best examples of this idea into a comic strip series called “Because I Said So.” He uses whatever spare time he has left to curate the discussion at #DadChat on Twitter every Thursday at 9PM EST and enjoy life’s adventures with his wife and two sons.

C.C. Chapman
Founder Digital Dads

C.C. Chapman is the Founder of Digital Dads and the author of Content Rules. He is a family first entrepreneur with two great kids. He loves the outdoors, cooking, photography and technology. He consults with companies around the globe to help them embrace the new world of marketing and business. Mr. Chapman is frequently challenging the current trends in media that tend to portray dads in a negative way. For example, he recently went to bat with Ragu and their parent company Unilever about their recent campaign to “rescue dads” from the kitchen, but not only offering criticism, but also suggesting how they could have done it better. You can read about it on his blog HERE. No matter what he is up to, you can bet that C.C. is defending dads and, more importantly, helping companies understand how to change their definition of dad so that this negative trend can be over with.

Lance Somerfeld & Matt Schneider
Founders - NYC Dads Group

Lance and Matt are stay-at-home dads that found themselves looking for a way to provide an opportunity for their kids to meet up and play, and not only that, they wanted to build a support network for other dads that want to be involved with their families. Two years ago they founded the NYC Dads Group, and it has rapidly grown to over 425 active dads! They do playgroup and educational events including a New Dad Boot Camp. Their site also has information about how to start your own dad's group. They have been featured on CBS News and NBC’s Today Show and in publications like USA Today and Parenting Magazine. They were recently asked to be a part of the New York City New Parents Expo. They were asked to sponsor the “Dad Lounge,” and the event planners originally wanted this to be an “escape” for dads, way off in a corner, to hang out and do mindless activities like play Xbox and sit on couches while their wives went around to the vendors at the expo. Lance and Matt did not hesitate to seize the opportunity. They said, “Yes, we will do the sponsorship, but we want to do exactly the opposite of what you’re planning. We want to show dads how to be more involved with their kids... and we want your largest booth... and we want to be in the center of the hall.” How’s that for changing the definition of dad? They showed all of the attendees and vendors just how important it is to be an involved father!

If you want to keep up with my adventures as a stay-at-home father, you can check out The Real Matt Daddy Blog.