Shortly I will be returning to work. William is entering preschool this fall and daddy can take him and pick him up. We need money. I know that I have to work and I actually want to return to work. I have all of the normal reservations: I haven't worked in 6 years, will I be able to fall back into it again? Did my mind disintegrate while raising a toddler? The biggest, though, is that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do.
Because of my past, it is relatively unlikely that I will be getting my medical license back again. I'm not even sure that I am mentally up to the task of appearing in front of the board, and I am SO far above and beyond the point where I was when it was taken away. The whole process was incredibly disheartening and debasing and I just don't know . . .
So then, where does that leave me? You know what I love? I love to write this blog. But I make no money doing it. The world of freelance writing is incredibly difficult to get involved in, I've found, and again, there isn't a lot of money in it. I have this amazing education and a diploma from medical school, so I should be able to find a great job that pays well, helps us get out of debt, offers great benefits, etc, but what the heck sort of job is it? I have no clue.
I'm trying to believe that God is my limo driver and he's taking me where I need to be. My head is full of the story of Job, who weathered an indescribable storm and ended up more blessed than he had been in the beginning. I know that I will be more grateful for the things that I took for granted before, like not having to figure out where gas money is going to come from.