Halloween bits

This is my first attempt at something different than a standard jack-o-lanturn. I looked at a vintage picture of the man in the moon, but really, it looks like a jack-o-lanturn. But a cool one.

Will picked out his own costume, he said he wanted to be a car driver. He's quite a sharp boy in his racing gear and all the neighbors thought that he was the man.

I'm not quite sure what Collin was going for here, but it's interesting. He swears he's not Michael Jackson.

I love this picture. Look at Will's face. I think it's at this house that he finally realized that people were giving him candy just for wearing a costume. And this woman is the sweetest. She and her husband walk a mile every day, and often they are holding hands. They've been married forever, and just look so happy and strong together. Gives us young married couples something to aspire to.

And this photo has nothing to do with Halloween, but I had to share. Foxy (named after Foxy Cleopatra from Austin Powers: Goldmember) is our calico that we rescued from the park. She was skeletal, dehydrated, and dying for some love. 4 years later, she's a spoiled house cat that loves to find unusual places to sleep. And when she finds these places, she stays there for up to two weeks. For the last few days, she's been perched on the top of a pile of towels in our bathroom 15 high. We are waiting for the pile to fall over, but so far, she's been crafty enough to stay in her chosen position. I just love her.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

So I'm jumping on the Polyvore bandwagon and creating a look that is very me. It's full of fantasy items (doubt I'll ever get the Cartier Love Bracelet or spend $310 on a scarf), but it's fun to dream.

Boho Chic by Erin Wallace featuring stiletto heel shoes

So all of you fashiony types, get thee to Polyvore and play! Release your inner fashion editor; you might just find yourself lost in Polyvore land!

Remembering my Thank You's

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I've been thinking a lot lately about parental love. How two cells grow to thousands, the baby is born, and this switch turns on and immediately you are in love with this new creature that you've never seen before. As a mom, I had the added bonus of watching William move around in my belly, felt him kicking my kidneys and bladder, felt occasional hiccups, and had immense changes occur to my body. After 7 months my body was done, I developed pre-eclampsia, and William had to come. I only got a passing glance before he was taken to the NICU, and I didn't see him for another 36 hours. I wasn't allowed out of bed and he couldn't see me. Those were an excruciating 36 hours. But then I went to the NICU, I saw my baby, and I was instantly in love. Just like that.

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What sort of amazing power is this love that we feel for our children? We can be totally indifferent to other's kids, and then ours enters the room and that love explodes. It's like a switch in our brain that God has equipped us with.

I can lay for hours at night looking at William sleep. If he's sick, I'll stay up all night holding him so that he feels better and is cared for. I may be sleepy the next morning and cranky to everyone else, but I know I'd do it again in a second. This love gives us the yearning to do everything to keep our children safe, to make them feel loved. It makes the trivial moments in our kids lives feel amazing. It's what gets us through school choir concerts and soccer games in the freezing rain.

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Can you imagine Abraham when God told him to take his only son, the one that he and Sarah had waited so many years for, the boy that Made Sarah laugh with disbelief when she learned that she was pregnant in her old age, the boy that all of their love and pride was centered on, the one that would carry on Abraham's legacy. Can you imagine God asking Abraham to give Him Isaac as a sacrifice? I always wonder if Abraham initially thought, "Umm, not gonna happen, Big Guy." That's what I would think.

And then He takes Isaac up to the mountain top and lays him on an alter and does exactly what God had asked of him. He raised his knife, preparing to take the life of his only son. God stops him just in the nick of time and supplies a lamb for the sacrifice. Isaac had been a test of Abraham's loyalty and devotion. And Abraham passed.

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I have to tell you right now, I don't know if I would pass that test. My love for my children is too deep. I'd rather give myself, as I'm sure many of you understand.

God will never ask that of me, though, because He did exactly what he had asked Abraham to do with His only son - led Him to the slaughter as a sacrifice for us. I would imagine, as God is all powerful and is The Everything, that He felt love for Jesus that as a human, we would have no concept of. Huge, encompassing love, joy beyond the confines of our earthly understanding. And yet He gave His son for the lives of mere people, who are so unworthy, many of which couldn't give a damn, all of whom will disappoint and fall short of deserving such a gift.

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Stop and think about that. And take time to thank Him for what He's given us, the sacrifice that He made as a parent. My piddly human mind cannot conceive of the width and breadth and power of that gift. And yet there it is, free for the taking. All we have to do is receive.

Always remember to thank Him and remember that should nothing else ever seem good or right, you have been given the Greatest Gift of All.

Goings On at the Chateau

So, as you have noticed, I've been off of the blog for a few days. For that, I apologize. Here's an update of the goings on at Chateau Wallace:

I have started the great dining room redo. I was thinking about taking pictures of it before I started clearing Collin's things out of it, but it was too horrific even for this Halloween season. The carpet alone is more terrifying than anything you've ever seen (and smells terrifying, too). For a while, it will be William's room, and hopefully, he will sleep in it!

I learned a few things:

• Stouffer's lasagna doesn't taste that good
• My bum no longer fits on a toddler's slide
• It is actually quite easy to refuse to do a few chores so that the other people that live in the house are forced to actually contribute (husband not included - he helps a lot)
• I am too easily drawn into celebrity gossip sites
• I truly enjoy The Real Housewives of. . . Some of those women make me feel like I've never had any psychiatric problems at all!

I was started on another med by my doctor and I am sleepy all of the time. It helps a lot, though, so I am trying to deal with the sleepiness in exchange for more stability. I've started napping, which I've never done before.

The pictures are from a weekend trip to Leed's Farm, a great farm with farm related activities, lots of goats, and pumpkins that I didn't get any pictures of. I like any farm that serves pie in the hay loft.

Self Portrait and little Zoolander

We were at the park, and the playground had one of those pock-marked mirrors. I thought it'd be a good time to take a picture of myself.

And then William said he wanted to pose for me. A little Derek Zoolander in the making - if only he could get down the Magnum.

Taxi Driver

Yesterday was my "mom as cabdriver" day. Will goes to speech, then get chicken nuggets (the boy would live off of them if I let him), then I run home, pick up Kendall's skating gear, then pick her up from school and get her to the rink. I run after Will for an hour in the rink (I never get to see Kendall skate), and when we finally leave, Will throws a fit because he is in love with the video games there. Then I get to go home and make dinner. Except yesterday I felt like crud as I had caught Will's cold. So Tim made TV dinner panini for him and the kids.

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I remember reading somewhere that if stay at home moms actually got paid for everything they do, their income would be around $150K. That sure would be nice! I know that many of you, like us, are going through a period of financial uncertainty, so it sure would be nice to have that SAHM salary!

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Tim has always known how to live on a budget. He's always been blue collar, never had the high paying job, and really can squeeze water from a rock. I, on the other hand, lived the high life when I was a physician. Ate at the expensive restaurant, bought clothing I would never wear, and couldn't budget to save my life. My income made me totally independent from everyone. It also made me feel like a bit of a big shot and may have swelled my head a bit. Because when the income went away and I suddenly wasn't the big money kahoona, I didn't like it one little bit.


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I believe that God has put us in this place in our lives to teach me that I am not independent from Him. That he provides all. That no matter how bad the money situation gets, he has provided for us. That I have to put pride aside and accept help from his people here in earth if I want to provide. That God IS the provision, and all things come through Him.


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It took me a LONG time to get there, but I finally believe that He will provide for us. I don't worry so much when a bill that we weren't expecting comes in the mail. I know that our family will have food and a place to live, and we'll even be able to afford little extras, like Will's chicken nuggets on Wednesdays (and mommy's mocha latte to go with it). It has calmed me considerably to believe this, to know that He is carrying us. We truly have an awesome God.

Ummm - here's my post

Well, kids, not much has been going on around here. The other day I took some pictures of William while Collin was raking leaves. I asked William the other day to stay 3-1/2 forever and he agreed to do it. If only . . .

My grandmother is probably rolling over in her grave that Will is bare footed. Children Always had to have socks on around her or they would catch a cold certainly (even though she hardly ever wore shoes and socks). I used to tease her all the time that I didn't have an undershirt on and was getting pneumonia even as we spoke, as this was the other dressing-your-child rule.

It has felt good taking it easier, not rushing all day long to get this and that done, looking at the dishes and being able to tell myself "That is someone else's job; I am not going to do them." Will has even been participating in the tidying up by putting his toys away. Isn't it something how they Love to help when they are little and they Despise it when they are teens? Hanging out with the kids more has been cool, too. I've always got Will, my Siamese twin, around, but the others are older and they are so busy. You've got to get your time in with them when you can.

Later today I see a new psychiatrist as my meds need some adjusting. I believe I'm beyond of the comfort level of my Family Doctor, although he might not want to admit it. And then maybe I'll take a stroll through Half Priced Books since I'll be so close to it. Love that place. Will get in my photo a day, fill some orders from the store. Life right now is pretty good.

My Review of Jr. Champion Racing Suit with Cap Costume in Black / White

Originally submitted at CSN Stores

Features:

• Made of 100% polyester / exclusive of decoration construction
• Silky and smooth to the touch
• Custom embroidery and lots of logos
• Full length zipper, official neck and ankle straps
• Elastic waistband, rear seat pocket
• Sure to...

Jr. Champion Racing Suit with Cap Costume in Black / White

The nugget's costume

By Erin from Marysville, OH on 10/18/2010

 

4out of 5

Pros: Fits Well, Authentic Looking, Cute, Comfortable

Cons: Poor Quality

Best Uses: Trick Or Treating, Costume Party

Describe Yourself: Classic

I let Will pick out his costume this year, and he wanted to be a "car driver" so this is what we found. I think it's a given that all costumes will be made of cheap polyester; I just wish I didn't have to completely dress him under the costume! It is cute, authentic looking, and he is thrilled with it, so all in all, I think it's a good purchase

(legalese)

Discombobulated

Discombobulated verb (used with object), to confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate: The speaker was

completely discombobulated by the hecklers.

I went from a scheduled, planned out month to a totally unplanned, and, um . . . what's a schedule? week and it's been a confusing experience. I learned that I do much better with a well thought out schedule, and so I'm going to sit down tonight and go all Super Nanny and make out a daily schedule for me. I don't have set writing time, which isn't the best when you are trying to go freelance, and everything else sort of happens at the same time every day, but sometimes not.

Life is treating me okay; the kids are doing well, I've gotten to spend a lot of time with them, and my mood is much more stable. I still fight all of those unreasonable thoughts: "You don't do anything right," "It's your job and yours alone to keep this house immaculate," "You should be able to be a wonder woman and so it all without ever getting tired." I'm dealing with some new stuff that I realized in PHP, too, like the fact that my defense mechanism is to hide, and so I've been making a conscious effort not to do this. Breaking old patterns and thoughts is difficult work, I tell you. And quite discombobulating.

I spent most of my day at Barnes & Noble, taking me time (another thing I'm not very familiar with) and read and read. Picked up the newest Artful Blogging and am thrilled for all of my blogging friends who have been featured this month - I still have to read it though - something fabulous to look forward to. Read a lot about writing inspiration, knitting, and tried to find a cool motorcycle magazine for the hubs, but left empty handed.

Me time definitely needs to be scheduled. So off to schedule (or, more likely, to read Artful Blogging!).

The photos are of the Warren G. Harding Memorial, the tomb where he and his wife are buried. It is quite beautiful and worth visiting if you ever find yourself in Marion, OH.

Homecoming Photo Shoot

So I took the opportunity to use Kendall and her date as model material and did a mini photo shoot. It's shadowy, and I'll have to learn how to get around that, but otherwise they are a cute couple, aren't they?

Some new photos

Imitrexy from a migraine so a little loopy right now - wanted to show you that I AM using my fancy new camera. Here's some photos:

Hope you enjoyed them. Almost have the hang of the DSLR, thing I need a different lens. For all of you photographers out there, what is your go to lens?

Haba Na Haba

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The leaves are starting to fall from the trees; yesterday, the two oldest were raking them into enormous piles. Will took his time jumping into the huge, crunchy piles, then decided to help by putting leaves into compost bags. His little hands couldn't pick up many leaves at a time, but little by little he filled a huge compost bag to the top with leaves.

Haba Na Haba. I learned this phrase at Collin's choir concert. Little by Little the rain fills the cup. Little by Little.

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We are a culture of instant gratification. Little by little isn't part of our mindset. When you think about it, though, the majority of our lives and the lives of those around us happen in just this way: Haba na haba, little by little.

We start out as babies and little by little, over a long time, turn into adults.

We learn little by little, from ABCs to Tolstoy.

Our days come at us little by little, moment by moment.

Little by little we heal from illness or hurts of the past.

We rebuild little by little, until our communities hit by disaster are strong again.

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I remember being a child going Trick or Treating with my Unicef collection box. Little by little, those boxes filled with pennies. We'd bring them back to school, where our pennies were counted, and those pennies turned suddenly into hundreds of dollars. All the schools sent their money to Unicef, and magically, that little box that I carried became part of hundreds of thousands of dollars. We were feeding and educating children around the globe, though I'm not sure I quite understood that at the time. Little by little.

What are you putting off because you think that your small part will make no difference? What is your haba na haba? Little by little, the water fills your cup.

Waiting is the Hardest Part

1. It seems there are a lot of Veggie Tales fans out there - this give me hope for the world.

2. Thank you again for all of your support. I am done with PHP and in an aftercare group. I'm much more right in the head. Lots of deep breathing and just accepting things as they are. I learned that one of my core beliefs is that I think I am responsible for the happiness of everyone around me. Well isn't that just a set-up for failure?! Anyhow, thanks so much, I'm going to try to blog more frequently now though I'm not sure I can do it every day as I'm trying to find more freelance gigs, too. And there's the photography and the crochet and just being a mom.

But I'm BACK!


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And now for the meat of the post. My daughter was a witness to an OMVI case at a race track. I had to take her to court today to witness in the case for the first time (there are 3 - yes, 3!!! -more dates in this case). She was So Nervous, being all of 17, a good kid, never having to partake in something like this. It wasn't like any court case I've ever been involved in. We had to wait in the lobby and everyone was called in individually to testify. Kendall was first.


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They called her name and my anxiety set in. They didn't let me go in with her. She had to testify without her mommy. So I prayed over and over "Lord, surround her in your amour. Give her courage, strength, intelligence, and maturity. Let her feel you holding her hand, giving her strength." And I texted my hubs to tell him she was testifying and to pray for her. It seemed to take forever! But then, there she was, alive, all parts intact, telling me about what they asked her. She told me at the end, she leaned over to the judge and asked, "Did I do all of that right?" and the judge smiled and said she did great.


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I'm proud of her for her maturity. The whole thing Killed me - the wait while she was gone what unbearable. Sometimes, when she is acting like a snotty teenager or giving me that "I can't wait till I'm 18 and out of here!" line I think "Well good riddance to you, too!" But it's not true. Someday, she's going to be out there in the big world on her own and she'll be gone much longer than those minutes she was in that courtroom. Then what? And then Tommy and Collin and William - I'll never have time to do anything for all of the prayers of protection I'll be doing!


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So I suppose it's not the wait, it's the letting go. How do you let go to those you've nurtured and protected and put your life into? I'm starting to have to do it, and it's not easy. Which is why I'm going to hold on for as long as humanly possible.


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